Replacing Hearts

The phone call came and a rush to my head took over my thoughts, the words became more clear as I melted back into my seat. Unable to hold my head, the words were to heavy, I put my head to my knees and sobbed. "He has passed, he is gone." is all I could gather from this moment and it was enough. Its all I could take, it was all I could process. Only 10 days ago we were rejoicing and praising the lord for bringing a gift into our presence and new member into our family, a breath of gods fresh air. Now that moment seemed like ages ago and the dark shadow of his untimely death was rotting the core of our hearts. "How, why could something so bad happen to someone so good?" Is all I could ask my god and his response is was like every other response in situations such as this, "I am in control and I have a plan, trust in me." I wanted to reach through the phone and hug her and kiss her and give her my heart and say take this, I will take yours and take this pain away. I will cast it to the sea and we can go back in time and fix it all. The inability to do such a thing leaves me feeling helpless and back to square one. So what now? What could come next? Seeing the good from such a tragedy unfortunately takes a lot of time it takes a lot of healing and it takes a lot of changing, its not something that happens over night. Which sometimes feels unfair. How can tragedy happen so quickly and the healing take so long? Our children are our jewels, they are the highlights in our eyes and the reason we are born. Hug your child extra tight tonight, kiss them and let them hear you say "I love you" for in a moment, in a flash they could be gone.

Bloody Hearts In The Hollywood Hills.

My heart is bleeding on the white starched sheets as I think to myself how ironic, "my heart is so broken, it is bleeding out for him to see."
It wouldn't make a difference here, not at this time, not in this moment, things never work out that way.
The sinking weight of the room reminds me of how it feels right before you sneeze. Hopeless, and trapped, until you can break yourself free.
He was supposed to be the ending to my story, the complete version of myself, but now I realize, in this disgusting rage that he is just a chapter, a piece, a part, a moment that came and went like a crashing wave.
I stand firm on who I am, I believe in myself everyday, even if it is forced, I will never allow anyone to trample my heart and then take the pieces for themselves.
My children liberate me and remind me of what I am here to do everyday.
My inspiration, my light, my fight are for them.
I say to you, whoever may read this and understand my soulful words,
never settle, never sell yourself short, don't listen to the broken words that fall from cowards lips,
you are amazing, and perfect with all your scars,
be proud, be loved, because you and I are love,
in the form of a human being.