Sometimes I have days where I am completely disconnected with my meat suite. (My body) It’s hard to describe but this is the best way, I feel like I am beside myself and doing my best to direct myself into my normal routine. It’s hard to stay focused and I can lose myself in my thoughts. My brain is on auto pilot and my heart is open. I feel things greater which can be a good or bad thing, depending on the current situation. Not quite sure if others feel this way, or if it is something that is really weird. Either way, this is my current state today.
Life can be a struggle and we all feel the friction from time to time and have our hurdles to over come. Today, mine is the hardships of being a single mom. I love being a mommy and I wouldn't change anything, I am glad to have Damien by my side but it’s no easy task at times. Between scheduling, activities, school, work, bedtime, bath time and trying to keep my son on the straight and narrow I really lose myself at points. I am here, and doing this on my own, all alone. My son's dad is a great help, along with his step mom but things still get rocky from time to time. I fantasize about things being smoother and easier but quickly remind myself that this is just not my situation. To stay in that fantasy is a lie that I can't treat myself to too much; if I did it would probably kill me. Anyways, this is just today, and tomorrow will be different, but right now, can I get a hug? Fuck.
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